For a Little While

There are places like Neverland and Narnia. Places like Wonderland and Terebithia. Places that are beautiful fantastical fairy tales. No matter the name or who tells the story, there is this place that exists...somewhere between awake and sleep...where the boogieman lurks and nightmares creep, where heroes save the day and maidens faint away. Where dragons roar and carpets soar to brand new heights. Where castles stand tall and mountains can fall if only you have a bit of magic. There are no limits to bravery, no limits to the imagination, minds are wide open and the blind can see a beauty that exists in no other place. Oh- this place has many names. It's whatever we believe it to be. Whatever we wish it to be. A haven, an escape. Wouldn't it be nice to live there?
If only for a little while.

mmmm.

"I am enjoying this. This...the friendship into whatever we are now and what we could be. It's great."

awesome line. and it's not from a movie. that's real life ladies and gentlemen.

isn't it grand?

I will soar.

askfhsdofhygoiduglkjga/lkhn/kjahf/sdgups;;;;djhhhhh!!!!!!!

This is how my brain has felt all day today. also,

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

not a good sign.

I think, translated, that means I'm frustrated about many things and am due for a vacation.

on a beach. with a book, and no plans, just peace.(ooh! and a large cone filled with double fudge brownie ice cream which happens to be the best icecream in the universe.)

One day, I will be able to afford vacations.

I think also that I am sad, even though I am hiding it well. I shouldn't be. But I am.

Somedays you just get sick of fighting. Of beating your head against the proverbial wall of life. Of trying so hard all the time and it just....continuing to fall apart. So much effort goes into living...especially into living a life thats lived to the fullest.

Which we all say we want to do but really end up sitting on our bums watching television and stalking the internet, reading blogs, writing blogs and updating our facebooks. The circus could've tromped by our windows and we wouldn't have noticed (side note: how COOL would it be to be a trapeze artist? just sayin')

I will be productive. I will not moon. I will not mourn. I will be upbeat. I will be happy.

I will soar.

Your life is an Occasion

I've found within myself this week something that has been missing for a while. I've been so caught up in other people...in work, in school, in scholarships, in weddings and events I have to go too that I've forgotten to breathe. It probably is more this one person's fault and that's ok...how easy it is to lose ourselves in other people. Your world becomes so crowded that other things fade into the background.

Well these past two weeks have been quiet, and this week is spring break which means I'm simply working all week and so to a certain extent my brain has had the opportunity to simply rest. I've had a lot of thoughts lately....about where I want my life to go and who I want to be. Do you know what simply came to me? Stories. I haven't written anything in so very long that wasn't a term paper or and essay exam...and all of the sudden in the midst of my silence came this creative energy. How wonderful, it feels to be creative again. I've been sketching and drawing and writing and scouring the Internet for inspiring pictures and I do believe I might finish my book this time.

(This is one of the pictures that inspired me. wow.)

I don't want to jinx it.

But I was thinking the other day, how many people my age have had a story to tell, and told it and had it published? I've had this stigma about it for so long. I'm to young, I have to graduate from college first, blah...blah. Well guess what? There isn't a better time than now to pursue the things I want for myself. One day I'll be married with children running around me with a house to clean and food to cook and I will never have the blessed silence that I have now until they're grown. So now I think is the perfect time to focus on me...and then one day I'll focus on everyone else.

Plus if it turns out I'm really bad at this, better to find out now before I'm out of school. A change of major might be in order :) I was watching Mr.Magorium's Wonder Emporium with my class of four year olds yesterday and I had forgotten how much I love that movie. It's magic in a movie and you can't get much better than Dustin Hoffman and Natalie Portman. Anyway- at the end of the movie Hoffman's character puts his hands on Natalie's shoulders and says,

"Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

I love that. My life is an occasion. What good are any of us if we don't rise to it. What good are dreams if not a single one ever comes true. I want to be everything I can be in this life.

What about you?

Oscar Rundown

Come on Oscars, really?

Fail.

I am a huge fan of Anne Hathaway, but this year's Oscars didn't work. At all. Poor Anne tried so hard, a little too hard at times and James Franco honestly looked high on weed the entire time. The one time I laughed at him was when he came out in drag and thats just cause he looked hilarious. The Academy Awards try to hard. This is the problem. They want so badly to "appeal" to the younger demographic not getting that the reason Bob Hope hosted for like 18 years was because he was FUNNY.

Guess what? Doesn't matter how old you are, if you are funny you appeal to EVERY demographic, thus boosting ratings.

They gave Billy Crystal a standing ovation for a reason. We were all secretly hoping he'd take over.

That and the hosts didn't really host as much as they just stood there and introduced people. Anne also changed her dress and hair a grand total of 8 times if I counted correctly. Seriously people? Is that honestly necessary? Everytime she came on stage her hair and outfit had changed. Just a tad extreme.
The presenting highlights were as follows....Jude Law and Robert Downing Jr. ...pretty hilarious...recorded Bob Hope, laugh out loud funny, Billy Crystal, Sandra Bullock is always charmingly witty, and I personally got a laugh out of Russell Brand and Dame Helen.

So I guess what I'm saying is, please, please bring Billy back, or ask Steve Martin...or Steve Carell or Zach Galaphenakis (I know I spelled that wrong, please don't make me look it up.) Someone funny, please? please? k. thanks.

On a different note, I was thrilled for both Natalie Portman and Colin Firth, they both really deserved the oscar they recieved.

Young Star Hailee Steinfeld shined in her dress and I want to steal it from her.

oh...and Christian Bale? Shave the obscene growth on your face. thanks.

the. end.

I wouldn't be able to move on from you. Even if I tried.

"Love is a many splendored thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"

and yet sometimes, it's not enough.

Sometimes, there are things in life, that cannot be let go all that easily. We feel things slip through our grasp and yet we still cling to the belief that we are still holding it in the palm of our hand. What is empty is empty. What is gone is gone. But the power of believing is so strong, that it overrides everything else. Old feelings ressurect, pain and emptiness, lonliness, regret. And yet I find the purest convictions whose roots lie deep in the heart, is love. Somehow no matter how far you travel, move on, and change, you can look at someone and suddenly just know all over again. It's you. It's always been you, and yet, it's not. How do these circumstances happen in our lives? How do we all manage to grow so far apart? Did we all just stop believing? Did we all forget how to try, and try some more, and try again? I find I don't want to except no for an answer. No cannot be the answer. How do we, any of us, love at all, when moments just keep passing us by? Perhaps those are the hardest. Not love itself. But the sweet memories of what was and could have been.

"One Day I'll fly away. Leave all this to yesterday. What more could your love do for me? When will love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends."

Something Old I Found

I try not to think of you,
sitting there the way you do.
A smirk on your beautiful face,
marred only by the prideful gleam of your eye,
but when that dissapeared,
and you were as you are
as you truly are,
when all facades slipped away...
your eyes held a happiness,
a glint of laughter,
that took my breath away.

Windows to your soul, you threw open wide,
and let me see through.
Windows to your soul I could fall in love with,
and I did.

Our best moments involved wild laughter
tears streaming down the face
and moments when you think
life cannot get any better
but it does.

You swung me up,
gathered me to you,
and ran away.

No thoughts involved,
no comprehension of the consequences,
wild abandonment of rational senses.

And I let myself get carried away
by the beautiful, colorful, wonderful, version of you
that you showed me.

That I loved.

I foolishly believed in him.
That other you.
I wanted forever,
I got but a day of it.

Before the shadows of future expectations started lurking.
Before the weight of responsibility and words started pressing.
Before people started asking, and talking, and noticing,
that I was by your side.
Before jeckyll became hyde,
I loved you.

One day when you've met your expectations
and risen to responsibility
when the words stop coming,
and people stop noticing who you are
when the curtain falls and your audience fades away,
you'll think of me.

And how I loved you.

You'll mourn then,
what could have been,
and blame others.
Not realizing that you had let them
smother you
and left me behind with nothing but sheepish apology.

And my brain can't wrap itself around my emptiness
and my heart has forgotten my shattered pieces

trying to stave the pain...

trying to bury you in the deep recesses of my brain.

But when the morning touches the sky
in the driftings of the dawn,
as day fast approaches
and my dreams start to lose focus,
you slip in and out
of the the windmills of my mind.
And the worst things about dreaming
is the heartache it leaves behind.

And perhaps one day I'll see you again...

and you'll know that you taught me to love
only a little too well to do good.