Something Old I Found

I try not to think of you,
sitting there the way you do.
A smirk on your beautiful face,
marred only by the prideful gleam of your eye,
but when that dissapeared,
and you were as you are
as you truly are,
when all facades slipped away...
your eyes held a happiness,
a glint of laughter,
that took my breath away.

Windows to your soul, you threw open wide,
and let me see through.
Windows to your soul I could fall in love with,
and I did.

Our best moments involved wild laughter
tears streaming down the face
and moments when you think
life cannot get any better
but it does.

You swung me up,
gathered me to you,
and ran away.

No thoughts involved,
no comprehension of the consequences,
wild abandonment of rational senses.

And I let myself get carried away
by the beautiful, colorful, wonderful, version of you
that you showed me.

That I loved.

I foolishly believed in him.
That other you.
I wanted forever,
I got but a day of it.

Before the shadows of future expectations started lurking.
Before the weight of responsibility and words started pressing.
Before people started asking, and talking, and noticing,
that I was by your side.
Before jeckyll became hyde,
I loved you.

One day when you've met your expectations
and risen to responsibility
when the words stop coming,
and people stop noticing who you are
when the curtain falls and your audience fades away,
you'll think of me.

And how I loved you.

You'll mourn then,
what could have been,
and blame others.
Not realizing that you had let them
smother you
and left me behind with nothing but sheepish apology.

And my brain can't wrap itself around my emptiness
and my heart has forgotten my shattered pieces

trying to stave the pain...

trying to bury you in the deep recesses of my brain.

But when the morning touches the sky
in the driftings of the dawn,
as day fast approaches
and my dreams start to lose focus,
you slip in and out
of the the windmills of my mind.
And the worst things about dreaming
is the heartache it leaves behind.

And perhaps one day I'll see you again...

and you'll know that you taught me to love
only a little too well to do good.